My Hangry Uber Pool Story


Well, I went on an Uber ride recently that started just like this. It was around two o’clock in the afternoon, and my fridge was empty. THIS IS NOT OK Yeah, I was edging on getting hangry. Now, it was Tuesday, which made the logical option to gorge myself at a Taco Tuesday place. The thing is, I get a little TOO into Taco Tuesday. Sir, how many tacos have you consumed this evening? “How many tacos have YOU consumed Officer Taco?” That made the only logical choice… Uber. And it turned into the most ridiculous Uber ride I’ve ever gone on in my life But it didn’t start that way. The ride started like every other ride, the standard logistical confirmation. “Alex?” “Yeah.” When I get in, I’m brief on purpose, because of the all-important 20-second Uber countdown. Those crucial moments at the start of every ride where you decide if you’re going to talk or keep to yourself. Not that I have a preference between human contact and me time, but I’ll typically use the 20 seconds to bust out my Switch, or my headphones and my phone; pull out my partition wall, my “Do Not Disturb” sign, my invisibility cloak, and somehow it always happens in 3…2… “Have you ever had your heart broken, Alex?” *Sigh* Where is this going, lady? “Because, this morning, I had my heart broken… permanently.” Woah! You’re crying now! Awww, I was just gonna sign up for foo– getting food! I’m hungry! And she just kept crying! It was like, A LOT, that I probably needed swimmies to stay afloat. It was starting to get weird, so I was like, “Hey, maybe you can take a personal day off? I can grab another Uber?” “Oh, now you’re going to leave me, too.” Woaaaaahhhhhh! Ahhhh What do I do? As much as she was weirding me out, I did want me to make her feel better. So I gathered all my courage, looked into her geysering eyes, and said, “Alright. You know, uh, I can stick around.” But I’m pretty sure she heard it as, “Hey. I… would never leave you.” No, stop that, stop it. I’m taken. No, it’s not like that. Just uh, please bring me to the taco place. And then I swear she says something like, “I guess I don’t have to kill you.” *Awkward laughter…* Normally, I’d have enough patience to deal with a situation like this, but I was getting hungrier by the minute. By the way, I do not know how I feel about the word, “hangry.” I mean, it made the word “hungry,” a hate word. Why can’t we have a word that’s like half way to starving, you know, like “moderately starving.” Like, like “marving.” I want to be “marving.” It’s got a pleasant ring to it, like, “I’m marvvvinnng.” Ooh, you’re pretty cool, do you do that on purpose? So I’m in this car, getting impatient because my stomach feels like a rusty lawnmower, and she’s driving slower and SLOWER, as she plans out our future wedding or something. It’s like can “WE please get to the destination quickly?” *Bleep Bleep* “We have another rider.” “Too bad.” No, please stop that, please. Apparently, in my “marving” state, I accidentally ordered an Uber Pool. Uber Pool allows the Uber to pick up extra passengers on the way to your destination. Like this is an awkward experience. Do we really need to add another person? Heeeyyy, everybody! I’m getting my physical in here if anyone if anyone wants to come and watch! No? No? You want me to enjoy this alone? But the more I thought about it, the more I realized another person is exactly what this car needs, right? It can only get better from here, right? It can’t get worse, right? “I will find you! I will get my money back!” *Sigh* It got worse. “Drive, right now!” “I can’t leave yet, we have another rider!” Okay, I know I’m hungry, I know you’re upset, but am I also sitting in a getaway car? “I said drive!” “I said, ‘We can’t leave yet!'” I’ve been in this car for a minute, she does not leave people behind. “THIS IS THE LOS ANGELES POLICE DEPARTMENT, WE HAVE YOU SURROUNDED.” So, all this is happening, and I am finally….. ANGGGRRRYYYYY! Okay, I gotta be real with you guys. There wasn’t like a showdown with the store clerk. There was no police, but it really felt that way. Like this person busted out of the store, was super sketchy, and wanted to leave right away. I was full on prepared for a S.W.A.T. team to show up with guns and bats, and be like, “You are an accomplice to a crime!” and I’d be like “The only crime that’s been committed is I STILL DON’T HAVE MY TACOOOSSS!” So, we got this sketchy lady in the back seat, my heartbroken, unwanted lover in the front seat; and then my door opens. “Is this an Uber?” I thought it was, but it’s turning more into an adult Chuck E. Cheese. “It’s an Uber. Get in.” So, I’m sitting there, about a mile from the taco place, and it’s been like two hours, right? Cause you know, like, LA traffic is the BEST. From that point on, everyone kind of chilled out a little bit. Sharryl, the driver lady, was actually pretty cool. I’m pretty sure she ended up going on a date with Iron Man. So, what a surprise. The superhero saved the day; and the thief lady was actually stealing stuff back from her old boyfriend. I know that, because she came with me to get dollar tacos. *Om nom nom nom* So all in all, it was an interesting ride; and if I wasn’t so marving turned hangry, I probably would have enjoyed the ridiculousness of it a little bit more. If anyone that was in that car is watching this video, Hey, uhhh… what’s up? That was weird. I don’t want to say we’re like best friends now or anything. But if you did want to check out my Patreon, we’re giving away some cool sketchbooks. All in all, it was a good trip, I’d use Uber Pools again. I’ll just be sure to pack my swimmies. Good news for if you love animation. As promised, over on our second channel we’ll be doing another cartoon this Friday or Saturday. It’s really funny 🙂 I was laughing the entire time I was editing it, so if you definitely want to check that out. Subscribe to AlexClarkLive and make sure you got those notifications turned on, kiddos. I’m itsAlexClark, and I will see you somewhere. Bye! I know you’re not all kiddos. Some of you are adults. K, bye. (Have a good day.) Subtitles brought to you by the awesome people of youtube

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